Only 4 weeks to go!

I have to be honest, I'm really feeling the pressure right about now (and no, I'm not talking about the baby constantly sitting on my bladder, which she is.) I know I haven't posted in a while, but things have been hectic and I think there are far too many emotions currently going on for me to be able to really focus on one thing for long periods of time.

On a good note, my mother threw me a lovely baby shower where our little Tazby was spoiled beyond belief by many people who already care about her. She is definitely a very lucky girl and I'm lucky to be reassured that she will be well taken care of always.

Prepared Childbirth class has been going well (despite traumatic video viewings of a birth and c-section), but we managed to survive and Timmy has been great through the whole thing (only one more class to go). I can tell though that he's feeling the pressure as much as I am. While I'm focused on actual labor and delivery and bringing home a newborn, he's worried about having everything ready and providing and taking care of his family. I suppose we're both just anxious about the unknown. It's so hard not knowing when she's coming because, honestly, a due date certainly doesn't mean she's going to show on that date. I even started feeling a lot of cramping and pain in my abdomen on my way home on the train tonight and completely convinced myself that I was going into labor. As soon as I got home, I rested and the pain eventually subsided. I'm pretty sure that she's just dropping and hitting things I haven't felt before, but it did make me acutely aware of how petrified I am that she'll come early. We don't have bags packed or the nursery ready. There is just still so much to do, but we're making progress and my wonderful husband is prepping so much for her.

People who have never been pregnant sometimes compare it to planning for a wedding. Now, this is totally delusional. A wedding lasts for a day! One single day! While some relationships may change slightly after the wedding day, it is certainly nothing like the dramatic change you undergo when you have children. Not to mention how unfair it is that I had 18 months to plan for a single day and only 9 months to prepare to claim sole responsibility for another human being!

Suffice it to say, I'm nervous. I guess I have to assume that every pregnant woman feels this as she nears the end. I know that friends who are expecting after me are all feeling the same pressure. It's hard to get up and go to work everyday and pretend like you're not completely distracted by this little baby jumping and kicking. I've even started analyzing every ache and pain to determine if perhaps it's the "real thing". Well, it's not and rationally I know that, but something in my just wants to make sure that when it's happening, I know it's happening. I just hope that soon I can start feeling more assured and less completely overwhelmed. As excited as I am to meet our little girl, I'm hormonal and emotional and completely scared. Maybe I'll have to wait for that to subside until she heads off to college.

For all you who have missed me, I'll be posting again shortly on the shock of discovering my first stretch mark and fred flintstone feet...oh what a week that was!