How to Talk to a Pregnant Woman

This is advice that, as far as I'm concerned, is applicable to everyone. I wish someone had given it to me before I was pregnant. As basic as some of these things may seem, you'd be shocked that those of you who have never been pregnant before just don't seem to get it.

So, pregnant women sometime have a tendency to gripe a bit. And you know what? We deserve it. As much of a blessing as it is to carry a child, it's definitely not easy. First, there's the morning sickness. When I was dealing with morning sickness, it was an inexplicable all day feeling of being on the verge of losing whatever I had just managed to eat. Thank God for chocolate milk, bagels, and oranges which got me through my toughest days. Once the morning sickness subsides, there is the constant back pain, headaches, swollen hands, legs and feet. Then, of course, we have that little joy of pregnancy called labor and delivery. I haven't gone through it yet, but from the impression I've received from those who have, it certainly is never considered painless. All in all, what I'm trying to say is, we have a right to gripe a little if we want to. If you have an issue with it, you get pregnant and see how it feels.

Among pregnant women, the most common gripe regards rude comments and inappropriate touching from family, friends, coworkers and that overly friendly guy on the street or in line at the grocery store or on the train. So, for all of you who currently fit into one of those categories, I have some tips for you that will help you to avoid aggravating any pregnant women in your life.

First off, and most important, never tells us we look huge (or fat!). We're carrying a baby. It comes with baggage. We know we're bigger than we used to be and we deal with the prospect everyday that we may never return to having those abs of steel. Last thing we need to hear from you is that we must be having a giant baby because we still have 2, 5, or 7 months to go. Everyone carries a baby differently so please don't compare our growing bellies with any other pregnant woman you've ever known. If you feel completely compelled to say anything about our appearance, most likely you will have to "stretch the truth". I don't care if it's a bold face lie and I actually have acne all over my face, just tell me I'm glowing. Even if I know that I can't see my own feet and haven't been able to tie my own shoes for weeks, lie and tell me I'm barely showing or that I'm definitely "all baby" and just carrying in my belly. And never ever say anything about my clothes getting too small or not matching. Unless you've been pregnant (and therefore aware enough not to say these things), you have no idea what it's like to have to get dressed every morning. Some days I end up sitting on the floor of my closet in my bath robe out of exhaustion and frustration resulting from trying to find an outfit.

Secondly, unless we take your hand and place it on our belly, please make no attempt to touch me. Unless you are a close female relative or my husband, don't rub, poke, or hold your hand on my stomach. I was recently discussing this exact topic with a pregnant friend and we came up with several strategies. I've decided that every time someone inappropriately touches my baby bump, I'm going to go ahead and rub their beer gut right back. Then I'm going to ask you if you like it. Kinda snarky, I know, but it's my prerogative. I also enjoyed my friend's strategy. She's going for the all out avoidance method. As soon as she sees that hand headed to her belly, she's going to zig and zag and jump wildly out of the way just to avoid it. I don't know how successful it will be, but it's going to be hilarious to watch and that's enough for me.

My husband and I made a conscious decision to find out the sex or our child and to make this public knowledge. We also decided that we would keep our baby's name a secret until she is born. This means that it is a secret from everyone, including our parents, our siblings, our closest friends. When I politely tell you that we are keeping the name a surprise, don't try and convince me to tell you because you won't tell anyone else. Please think for a moment, if we're going to tell anyone, why would I be telling my coworker who I hardly know? Ridiculous...One of the main reasons were not announcing it is because I have no interest in hearing what your opinion is. This is our baby and we get to name her. It's one of the perks.

All in all, when having a conversation about the baby, don't ask if I'm excited. Of course I'm excited. If I wasn't, I wouldn't tell you anyway. I'm also absolutely terrified and I don't feel like you need to know that either. Also, don't asked me if it was planned. I know I've been married less than a year. I know I'm only 24. You don't need to point these things out to me. We're having a baby. Isn't that all that matters?

Ok, I could keep going. I do have more, but I'm afraid I've already scared off most of my readers with this post. I'm really not so bitter in real life. I actually am glowing and excited. Consider this a rant of a pregnant woman. Just don't chalk it up to "hormones"....

For more advice on this matter, here are a couple of my favorite websites:
CBS News
NFIB
Ask Men
Minti